Tuesday, 23 May 2017

The turtle moves!

Blood pressure's down from 230/120 to ~150/100 at the GPs and ~150/80 at home (thank you, white coat syndrome) so the meds are obviously doing their job, even if its still a bit high. Everyone keeps asking me how I feel, or felt before the meds, but I just feel the same i.e. nothing special. I did notice that I didn't get my customary migraine during ovulation this month, and I don't have as many ordinary headaches either, now that I come to think of it, but that's it.

I lied to my psych doc during our last meeting. I told her that now that early summer is finally here I can go outside and get some exercise. As I was saying the words, I knew I was lying. Of course I won't go outside. How can I, when I am so scared to leave the apartment that I can barely go to the laundry room two floors down? I am so afraid that people will point and stare and call me names that just the thought of going out makes my mouth dry up. The problem is that she weighed me and said, "won't it be fun to see how much you've lost until next time?" Yeah, it's going to be hilarious.

As you can see, both aforementioned problems would fix themselves with a little bit of exercise/weight loss. How hard can it be?



We went to see Alien: Covenant at the early showing today and it was just the boyfriend and I there, in the largest theatre. It was glorious, and I give the movie a 3.75 out of 5. Then we went to my favourite pub and I had their veggie burger, a slice of deep fried celeriac with haloumi on top, and a pint of Magners Irish Dry Cider, which of course made me tipsy, and it was like the best birthday ever. No cake, no gifts, no people. Although I did cheat and got a gift for myself, from Amazon. His name is Freddie after Freddie Mercury and he is a green sea turtle (it's World Turtle Day today on my b-day which is just fantastic because I LOVE sea turtles). I've dabbed some essential oils on him to help me sleep.

it's so fluffy!

Friday, 28 April 2017

thanatophobia

I went to see my psych doc yesterday. At the end of our meeting she took my blood pressure, just because it was quite some time since I checked it last. She checked it twice, then called for a nurse to check a third time.

The last reading said 230/120.

I was sent down to the Medical ER and then I had to stay there from about 11am to 6pm while they took urine and blood tests and regularly checked my blood pressure. Now I'm on three different medications and have to check my blood pressure every week at my GPs practice. I was more irritated than scared to be honest, but this morning I woke up with the worst fear of death I've ever had. I don't want to die, not like this anyway.